Permission Granted: Self-Trust Is the Foundation of Confidence

By Rosa E. Benavides, founder of Speak Up Mujer, LLC

(small.news) — Five years ago, I began the journey of giving myself permission to “be”. For many years, I had been living a life around what others needed. From fixing problems, to being there for loved ones, to putting myself to the “later” pile. 

I realized that if I was truly going to reach the version of me I so secretly desired, I would have to change things up. The problem was that I wasn’t quite sure what that change was. I didn’t know where to start. I didn’t know what to do. 

So, I got a professional development coach. I went in looking for leadership skills. In hindsight, I realize I was half expecting them to walk me through the process, where they would tell me how to be a strong leader. That by them telling me, I would somehow magically absorb the secret code, and it would be automatically programmed in me. And, at the end of the coaching sessions, I would be a transformed person! Just by attending the sessions. 

I’m laughing at myself as I write this because that was not what happened. At all. What began to happen was a shift… First, it started with questions around, “Who is Rosa?”

Baffled, I managed to say out loud things like, “mother, daughter, wife, director, etc.” And they probed for more. So I gave myself permission to say things like, “intelligent, analytical, kind, etc.” As we spent sessions together on this topic of “Rosa,” it later became clear to me that I did not know who I was. What I stood for. What mattered to me. What I wanted for myself. 

I was clear on what others wanted from me. And that no longer was enough. 

Why I Struggled With Confidence

Fast forward to now. I now understand why I struggled with my confidence. I didn’t know who I was.

Further, I kept all the promises I made to others… except the ones I made to myself. I consistently put myself in the “later” pile, which then became the “never” pile. By continuously denying myself the time and attention, I had been teaching my body, heart, and mind something: 

– You don’t matter. 
– I don’t trust you enough to listen to you. 
– What you have to say does not matter.

I used to walk into meetings and sit at the back of the room—not even at the table—because in my mind, those chairs were not for me. Somewhere inside, I believed someone was supposed to “invite” me into belonging: Come, Rosa, sit here.

And the funny thing is… even when people offered, I would politely and sheepishly say, “No, thank you.” Looking back, I can see it clearly: I didn’t feel worthy of being there. I didn’t believe I deserved space. In those meetings, questions would come up—and I had ideas. I had suggestions. I had thoughtful questions I genuinely wanted to contribute because I believed they could move the conversation forward.

But then the spiral would start:

– What if I say it wrong?
– What if everyone already knows this, and I sound stupid?
– What if no one cares? What if no one listens?

Those “what ifs” got so loud that they suffocated my voice into silence.

Those Voices Aren’t Mine

Over time, I learned something powerful that changed my life: those voices weren’t actually mine. They were pieces of old stories I had picked up along the way—stories formed by what people said, how I was treated, and what I learned to believe about my place in rooms like that.

This is also the work I do with my clients: we identify the inherited narratives, we challenge them, and we rebuild a voice that aligns with who they truly are. Today, I know how to honor my voice. I come prepared. I ask questions. I contribute. And most importantly, I give myself permission to show up—not perfectly, but with my knowledge, experience, and expertise.

Belonging wasn’t something someone gave me. It was something I practiced—one decision at a time. Let’s sit with this for a bit. After years of breaking our own promises, how are we supposed to feel that we have our own backs? And, if we don’t have our own backs, how are we supposed to show up with confidence? 

Through my work in Speak Up Mujer, LLC, I help women—especially first-gen and Latina mujeres to heal their self-trust. Because somewhere along the years, we broke it… not all at once, but little by little. I’ve also learned that self-trust is not perfection. It’s based on accepting the truth (what we truly desire) and through giving ourselves permission to say, “yes.” To say “yes” to ourselves, that vision we have been wanting, that dream we keep putting off, that class we’ve been wanting to take, that investment we want to say yes so badly to… 

How To Grow Confidence

Confidence is grown through consistent practice. I, too, struggled with my confidence. 

I struggled to trust the voice inside of me. Hesitated to make a decision. Held back when I wanted to say something. Missed opportunities because I thought about it way too long. 

So long that the subject had passed by the time I was “ready” to speak up. So long that the opportunity was no longer for me to take. Besides missing these opportunities, I was left feeling depleted, frustrated, and honestly, sad. Because deep down inside, I knew I could do better. 

I was made for something better. But I felt stuck. There was no other way. 

I put in the work. I’ve healed my self-trust. And now, I help other women achieve this, too. 

I now have the Confidence Activator Virtual Cohort, where we come together to heal self-trust and start giving ourselves permission to truly imagine the woman we wish to express… to realize… to give life to. 

And, this is my favorite part – seeing women blossom, leave behind their fears of judgment, failure, and making a mistake, to make room to express the woman inside of them that has been screaming in silence, “I want to express myself! I want to expand! I want to live a life I love!”

Therefore, if you, too, have been holding back, you are not alone. 

There is nothing wrong with you. You are not broken. 

But you are now aware. Your body is trying to tell you something. My invitation to you is… listen to it and ask yourself, “What is my body trying to tell me? What does it need from me?” 

Don’t try to answer it yourself. Let the answer come to you. Then, take courage to take the next steps to honor the woman you are becoming. 

If you would like to start your journey to growing your confidence, I invite you to start here. It’s a free video with confidence tips to get you started on your journey: https://www.speakupmujer.com/build-confidence.

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